Teaching Children to Regulate Themselves, Even When Emotions Run High

One of the most powerful skills a child can learn is self‑regulation, which is the ability to bring their body back to calm when they feel overwhelmed, angry, sad, or triggered. It’s not something children “grow into”. It’s something they learn, practise, and strengthen over time. This month, I want to share a real moment from our classroom that shows just how important these tools are.

🌿 A Real Story: From Tears to Calm in Under a Minute

One of our students arrived late for his enrichment class recently. He had taken a long time to prepare himself at home, and in the rush and frustration, his mum scolded him on the way out. By the time he reached us, he was already in tears: Shoulders shaking, breath tight, emotions overflowing.

Just the lesson before, I had introduced the children to a simple self‑regulation sequence called CALM:

C — Count to 10

While doing gentle shoulder havening (soothing strokes on the upper arms)

A — Apply Pressure

Using hand havening (pressing palms together or squeezing hands)

L — Look Around for Colours

Spotting and naming items in the environment using the colours of the rainbow

M — Make a Slow Breath

Using the psychological sigh (inhale + top‑up inhale + long exhale)

Even though he was sobbing uncontrollably, he could still hear me. And that’s the magic of teaching regulation tools before children need them - the body remembers.

He started with C. Then A. By the time he reached L, his breathing had slowed, his shoulders had softened, and his tears had eased. By M, he was back to himself: Steady, grounded, and ready to talk. We had a short reflection together, and then he joined the class with a clear mind and a calm body.

🌿 Why This Matters

Children don’t always have control over what happens to them, e.g., rushing, scolding, transitions, unexpected changes. But they can learn how to control what happens inside them.

Self‑regulation tools:

• give children agency

• help them feel safe in their own bodies

• reduce emotional overwhelm

• shorten recovery time after a trigger

• build confidence and resilience

And most importantly: When children know how to regulate, they don’t stay stuck in the emotion. They move through it.

🌿 The CALM Method (Try This at Home)

You can practise this with your child during neutral moments, so it becomes familiar when they need it most.

• Count to 10 with shoulder havening

• Apply pressure with hand havening

• Look around and name colours

• Make a slow breath using the psychological sigh

It’s simple, portable, and child‑friendly. Most importantly, it works. I'm here and happy to share if you'd need a demonstration!

🌿 A Final Thought

Children don’t need us to remove every stressor from their lives. They need us to teach them how to navigate those moments with tools, confidence, and self‑trust. And when a child can go from tears to calm in under a minute, not because an adult “fixed” it for them, but because they knew what to do, that’s emotional growth in action.

Warmly,

Kei